My "Someday" Has Come

This.  This is the photo that did it for me.  Apparently the DMV didn't know about my trick of camera angles so that I don't look like such a troll.  The picture on the left is from 8 years (and 60 lbs) ago- back when the angle of the camera didn't matter.   In those 8 years I've gotten married, had 3 children (just had #3 six weeks ago), and lost my mom.  Anyway, after leaving the DMV today, I texted my husband this hideous photo and made some joke about how I will never eat again.  He texted back telling me that I'm beautiful......and that's when I lost it.  I just started crying.  Look at what I've done to myself.  How can he possibly still think I'm beautiful?  Whether he's lying to me or not, I was thankful for those words in that moment even though I didn't believe it myself.  So after I let myself have a good cry, I realized I had a decision to make.  I could continue to cry and feel sorry for myself, or I could do something about it.   I looked at my baby and thought about my other boys and chose the latter.  They need me, the real me....not this depressed, lazy person that I have become.  I have gypped them out of the real me for their entire lives.  It's not fair and they don't deserve it.  I don't deserve it.

So- today is my Someday.....the day I always allude to when I think or say, "I will lose weight someday" or "Someday, I will begin my journey to a happier, healthier me."  I know WHAT I have to do......I've done this before.   I am ready to take control and stop making excuses.  I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat because it's yummy, and I eat whatever I want because it's easier than it is to plan out meals, and count points or calories or whatever.  I have stopped working out because it is just easier to come home and play with the kids or watch TV.  I am back to feeling sluggish, irritable, and just plain ugly.  I hate having my photo taken - even though I know these boys aren't going to stay little forever.

I will be writing in this blog for motivation, to keep myself accountable, and to figure out why I keep self-sabotaging my weight loss efforts.   I will be taking it one day at a time.  For now, that's all I can do.  It's all about choices- and each time I make a good choice, I will just be that much closer to my goal.